Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

It’s been a while since I wrote you a letter, but I’ve moved and wanted to make sure you know that I’m not in Miami, FL anymore; I’m in Melbourne, Victoria. Yep, Australia, that’s right; that’s where the presents should be delivered.

Life in Australia is pretty nice. As you know from your travels, it’s a beautiful country. The food is good, people are relaxed, and Melbourne has a wonderful artsy culture. Australia has (almost) everything so I have a short wish list this year, Santa. You and your elves won’t even break a sweat. Here goes.

  1. Floo Powder and a map of the Floo Network. This will make visiting my family and friends back in Florida easy and inexpensive.
  2. Applicator tampons with high absorbency. In fact, if you could bring these to all Australian chemists, supermarkets, and general stores, that would be great.
  3. Cuban cuisine. Melbourne needs more Cubans in general, but I guess that would make you a people smuggler. Australia kinda frowns on that so let’s just stick to food.
  4. An additional room for this house. I know your elves are more into building toys than houses, but is it really all that different from building a dollhouse? I didn’t think so. I mean, some of Barbie’s dream houses are pretty impressive. And I could really use that spare room for a ritual, crafting, and office space. Please make sure it fits the original style of this 1920s California bungalow though; Theo can be very particular about design and decor.
  5. A car. Any ole thing will do. I haven’t given it much thought, but there’s the Nissan Micra Ti automatic with intelligent keyless entry, reverse parking sensors, front grille, fog lights, and climate control air-conditioning in Monaco Platinum. I’m not picky about the color though.
  6. The Han Solo in Carbonite business card case. I don’t actually have business cards, but I’d get some if I had this case.
  7. That big and fancy Canon digital camera that Theo wants. Is it kosher to ask for gifts on behalf of others or should I persuade him to write his own letter?
  8. A few squeaky balls for Sam. He’s a dog so he can’t write his own letter.

I’ve been good, Santa. Since my last letter twenty-something years ago, I graduated in the top 10% of my high school class, made it through college, stayed away from drugs and bad boys, developed a good work ethic, and am generally friendly and kind. I don’t think these are too much to ask for. Nothing you and your elves can’t handle.

I hope your trip round the world is a good one this year. Stay safe; there’s a lot of crazies out there.






  1. Guess what I saw at the Chemist Warehouse today? Super plus absorbency Tampax applicator tampons! I saw them and thought of you. Is that weird? Anyway, look!

    Can’t help you (or Santa) out much on the rest of your wish list, though. :-p I’ve always found it’s easier to stick to asking for Barbie dolls rather than life-size Barbie dream houses. :-p

    • Oh, thanks for the tip! That’s good news – expensive, but good, lol.

      • Everything is expensive here. :-p I’m still looking for the lite tampons and can’t find them. My mom said she’d send me some… but it turns out that menopause has addled her brain, because she actually sent me the medium ones. Well, I can get those here! But at least they are the ones with the plastic applicator, which is infinitely better than the cardboard ones.

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