It’s been a while since I wrote you a letter, but I’ve moved and wanted to make sure you know that I’m not in Miami, FL anymore; I’m in Melbourne, Victoria. Yep, Australia, that’s right; that’s where the presents should be delivered.
Life in Australia is pretty nice. As you know from your travels, it’s a beautiful country. The food is good, people are relaxed, and Melbourne has a wonderful artsy culture. Australia has (almost) everything so I have a short wish list this year, Santa. You and your elves won’t even break a sweat. Here goes.
- Floo Powder and a map of the Floo Network. This will make visiting my family and friends back in Florida easy and inexpensive.
- Applicator tampons with high absorbency. In fact, if you could bring these to all Australian chemists, supermarkets, and general stores, that would be great.
- Cuban cuisine. Melbourne needs more Cubans in general, but I guess that would make you a people smuggler. Australia kinda frowns on that so let’s just stick to food.
- An additional room for this house. I know your elves are more into building toys than houses, but is it really all that different from building a dollhouse? I didn’t think so. I mean, some of Barbie’s dream houses are pretty impressive. And I could really use that spare room for a ritual, crafting, and office space. Please make sure it fits the original style of this 1920s California bungalow though; Theo can be very particular about design and decor.
- A car. Any ole thing will do. I haven’t given it much thought, but there’s the Nissan Micra Ti automatic with intelligent keyless entry, reverse parking sensors, front grille, fog lights, and climate control air-conditioning in Monaco Platinum. I’m not picky about the color though.
- The Han Solo in Carbonite business card case. I don’t actually have business cards, but I’d get some if I had this case.
- That big and fancy Canon digital camera that Theo wants. Is it kosher to ask for gifts on behalf of others or should I persuade him to write his own letter?
- A few squeaky balls for Sam. He’s a dog so he can’t write his own letter.
I’ve been good, Santa. Since my last letter twenty-something years ago, I graduated in the top 10% of my high school class, made it through college, stayed away from drugs and bad boys, developed a good work ethic, and am generally friendly and kind. I don’t think these are too much to ask for. Nothing you and your elves can’t handle.
I hope your trip round the world is a good one this year. Stay safe; there’s a lot of crazies out there.