Missing and Making Friends
I spend most of the day every day at home. I’ve been in Melbourne nearly two months now and I haven’t made any friends. I’m not lonely or bored; I have plenty to occupy my time – housekeeping, personal hobbies and projects, blogging, gaming, and so forth. But I miss my friends back in Miami. I miss the sense of community. I read on Facebook about all the cool things they are doing and miss being part of it.
It’s not that easy meeting new people and making friends when you’re an adult moved to a new country. We tend to meet people at school or work, but I don’t go to either. Another good way to meet people is through social activities. I joined a couple of Pagan Facebook groups and two Meetups, one for American expats and the other for girl geeks (women in tech).
This weekend, Theo and I went to a brunch with the American expats. One thing I don’t miss about Miami is how people RSVP to events and, if they show up at all, they show up late. I was pleased to discover that the majority of people who RSVPed to the brunch attended and arrived on time. The set-up, two long tables, was not conducive to mingling, but thankfully the women Theo and I sat next to were friendly and bright.
One of the women is from Boston and the other from Seattle. They’ve been in Melbourne less than a month and are entering the workforce. I was interested in their experience with that as they explained that many Aussie companies don’t hire directly and use recruiters instead. We bonded over the crazy Melbourne weather, the confusing public transportation system, and how expensive everything is. The Boston woman humorously observed that the ATMs here give out $50s instead of $20s and it’s perfectly normal to pay with a $50 at McDonald’s, which in the U.S. doesn’t even accept bills over $20 sometimes.
Theo and I had a nice overpriced brunch and said goodbye to the expats. We’re not on the road to becoming fast friends, but it was nice to get out and meet some people. I hope to see them again at the next Meetup and continue meeting new folks.
Do you have any tips? How do meet people and make new friends when you’re the new kid in town?
About the image: “Friends” promo, Time Warner Entertainment.
Hi Cosette,
I’m an Australian who lived in Florida for five and a half years, so I’ve experienced what you’re experiencing in reverse. The cultures are very different and so there are many adjustments to be made. I was nearing retirement age and so apart from the people I met through my husband’s work, I didn’t know how I would make friends either.
I was interested in writing, and so I went along to an adult education course on writing. At the end of the course, I sent an email to the group asking if they would be interested in continuing to meet in our homes. The response was poor, but one woman connected me to more writers and then things snowballed. My best friend is now an American. However, it wasn’t a speedy process. It was over a year before I connected with the people I am still friends with. Your girl geeks group sounds good – have you met with them yet?
Be patient, it will happen. I spent many hours writing emails to my friends in Australia in lieu of real people, and it took me a year to find the Florida Australian group, which was also a blessing.
Look for more things that pique your interest in libaries and local papers, but be patient. Australians make great and loyal friends, but you must give them time.
Good luck.
Cosette, I’ve posted about this same issue before on my blog and I have to say, after spending the better part of the year here, I still don’t have any answers. Funny how making new friends is so easy when you’re a little kid, but suddenly becomes difficult as an adult. It’s even harder when you’re not working and getting out and seeing the same people regularly. There is one lady that I hang out with, who is old enough to be my mother, and she is really more a friend of G’s. There’s another girl that I haven’t met yet that I talk to on Facebook who is my age and is the best friend of one of my friends in the UK and we keep trying to get together, but it never seems to work out. Then there’s my German teacher who is also my age, but you know… it’s sort of an awkward relationship being overly friendly with someone you are paying for a service. I think it’s cool that you’ve been to some of the Meet-up groups. I haven’t been, largely because they are at really inconvenient times for me, and also because I’m shy in a large group of people where I don’t know anyone. So like you, I spend most of my days at home alone. If you’d ever like to get together some day and do something, let me know. I’d be happy to meet up with you.
Thank you for the kind words. I think we’re much more bold as children, unencumbered by weird feelings of shame or worries about what others think of us and more trusting. That and we’re often confined to the same space with the same kids for months at a time. We’re bound to make friends. But ultimately, it just takes time and getting out there over and over.